Effective Parenting and Teen Management
by Gladness Temu (PhD)
Purposeful Parenting Coach & Author; Lecturer & Researcher (UDOM)
A. Uncovering some myths about parenting
1. Parenting is about children
•No, its about you parent (parent-ing not child-ing)
2. Parenting has no curriculum/format/system/structure/strategies
•No, it has-Prov 22:6; Judges 2:20; Eph 6:1-4; 1Sam, Kol, Prov, Matt, Luke etc
3. Parenting is not something to learn, it’s natural/intuition
•Not true. nothing can be done well without learning, so as parenting
4. Our parents did not learn about parenting, why me?
•They did, even if not, the current dynamics are different
5. You should parent a child anyhow you feel appropriate
•No, there is a blueprint for every child (infact there are systems, strategies, skills, structures to put in place)
6. Even without learning parenting a child will grow to an adult
•Yes, its true-but to what kind of an adult? (matunzo vs malezi)
7. Parenting teenagers is difficult
•Not true, in fact its so easy, loving and rewarding
•Raising children who can thrive in this era (even before and after) depends on 3 things
•The person who is raising that child
•What does that person know about parenting
•The environment
•Do you have the necessary skills to raising your child properly and effectively? (the S’s
Parent’s roles
•A trainer, leader, guider, trainer, mentor, supporter, encourager, provider, role model
•Train up a child=teach, equip, educate, discipline, develop, instruct, improve, cultivate, hone, reskill, sharpen, drill, enlighten, inculcate, coach etc
Effective parenting requires 4S’s
•Systems
•Structures
•Strategies
•Skills
Matthew 7: 24-27; Isaiah 33:6: Knowledge, Wisdom and Understanding
•B: Parenting systems, structures, strategies, skills (4S’s)
System:
•Intentionality is key , founded on God’s word (Deut 6:6-9)
•Marriage-Family-Children
•Even for single parents; Intend to raise kids who can thrive
•God is intentional about everything, Be intentional
•Embrace intentional /purposeful parenting as a system
What is raising a child intentionally/purposeful parenting?
•Understanding your position/role as a servant of God in raising that child to an adult.
•The goal is ‘to raise Mtu bora atakayeweza kuliishi kusudila kuzaliwa kwake hapa duniani’
•Thus, parent’s self-awareness, Prov 22:6=train up a child and the 4S’s
•
Structures
•A family with structures that can support effective parenting
(a) Create your family culture, built on values
•Identify your family core values (not rules/do’s & don’ts)
•Create your family vision, mission and strategies
•Isaih 46:10; Prov 16:1
(b) Create your family media plan & screen policy
•Do you have a family media plan?
•Who are you raising, social media savy or technology savy?
•Do you want to ‘manage’ your teen?-this is key
•What is your screen policy?(TV, phones, laptops, tablets…..)-as a family, not only for kids-remember to live your values
•Never give kids any kind of screen without training/miongozo
•
A family without media plan is/has:
•Disconnected/poor social r’ship
•Family values distorted (too much/harmful info-content)
•Anxiety (esp children)
•Unmotivated children/lazy/procrastinators (too much screen time, chats, lots of apps, social media savy)
•Quarrels
•Behavioral challenges including anger issues/resentments
Embrace intentionality in FMP:
•Defined time and content
•Watch together
•Encourage more of tech savy than social media savy
•Replace screen time with physical games, puzzles, building blocks, bicycles, story telling, reading together, drawing, painting, home chores, sleeping/nap, walking, shopping, etc
•Structures cont..
(c) Cementing your family unity
•From int.marriage to int.family to int. parenting
•How?-Quality time. ‘Busy’ is a myth-embraceessentialism/prioritization
•Sing together, dance, play games, swimming do puzzles together, have fun, outings, vacation
•Connect to correct
•Master your emotions (EI)
• [Prov 15:28; 17:27;(EI) 18:13-empathetic listening/eff communication.
(d) Family meetings (FM)
•Scheduled
•Put everyone on the same page
•Meeting agenda and documentation
•Re-share your values
•FM create an avenue for open communication
•Don’t use FM for discipline issues (eg.kuonya, kugomba)
(e) Creating your parenting goals & plans
•Know who you are raising
•Which parenting S’s are you going to apply
•How will you discipline your children
•Boarding school vs not
•Relatives, caretakers or not
•How do you want to connect with your children?-create that environ
•(for a peaceful parenting skills with parental authority-read, attend seminars, find parent coach)
•C. Strategies to raising teens who can thrive
•With all the background, now here you are; only some few things to add
1.No where in the Bible about children defiance at age13-19 (or any other age)-it’s a myth.
2.Understand your child-who are you parenting?
3.Be available and valuable
4. Connect to correct
•TEEN MANAGEMENT
•Literally, there is no ‘teen management’!
1.Understand the teenage dynamics
2.Have a proper family structure
3.Connect to correct
4.Set health boundaries
5.Communication skills-effective, empathetic with love & honor
6.Exercising effective parenting authority-Eph 6:1-4; Col 3:21; 1 Sam (Eli)
7.Build trust, Be consistent/predictable
8.Parenting with humility as servants of God (stewardship, avoid parental ego)
●
•Navigating through teeange parenting depends so much on how you have been raising them from the younger age.
•However, don’t raise teens like toddlers (yelling, whipping, shouting, flogging)
•Don’t raise teens like adults either (they are not)
•Ingia kwenye ulimwengu wao na ujifunze-the good thing is everyone of us was once there!!
Understanding your teens and seeing them unfolding and becoming adults is something so rewarding; However;
Make sure you remain connected through out the process!!
Dr. G on #purposeful parenting
LASTLY but not least;
•PRAYERS! PRAYERS! PRAYERS!
•Not only praying for them but most important; teaching them how to pray.
•Introduce them to Christ early; and encourage Holy Spirit explo in their lives + Reading/Meditating and Implementing the Word of God.
Thank you & God bless you!
